Buy

Buy

“Legalize chooch, its no worse than whiskey"
- Gustavo Petro, Presidente de Columbia

Join the presale

WTF IS THIS???

WTF IS THIS???

WTF IS

THIS???

TURNING
CHAOS INTO OPPORTUNITY.

It was a typical Fire Gator Thursday. Hunter, who hadn't seen action in months, stumbled upon a mystery bag on the sidewalk. Instead of doing the sensible thing by picking it up and calling his boys, he solo seshed and raw-dogged a coin into existence. And thus, Chooch was born – because if you're going to make great decisions, why not tokenize them?

IT'S STRONG,

REALLY STRONG

Our vision is simple: to create a cryptocurrency that's as unpredictable as your Saturday night plans and as volatile as your mood swings during a comedown. We chose the Base Network because, let's face it, we're basic AF. How else do you expect us to operate on an advanced network when we are heinously racked from falling asleep at 6:69 am. Purchase "supplies" from verified plugs.

Our vision is simple: to create a cryptocurrency that's as unpredictable as your Saturday night plans and as volatile as your mood swings during a comedown. We chose the Base Network because, let's face it, we're basic AF. How else do you expect us to operate on an advanced network when we are heinously racked from falling asleep at 6:69 am. Purchase "supplies" from verified plugs.

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FUND 11-HOUR GOLF SESSIONS WITH THE BOYS

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FUND 11-HOUR GOLF SESSIONS WITH THE BOYS

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FUND 11-HOUR GOLF SESSIONS WITH THE BOYS

  • Global wars? Solved. Economic modalities? Solved.

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4 HOUR CONVERSATIONS ABOUT SOLVING THE WORLD'S MOST COMPLICATED ISSUES

  • Global wars? Solved. Economic modalities? Solved.

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4 HOUR CONVERSATIONS ABOUT SOLVING THE WORLD'S MOST COMPLICATED ISSUES

  • Global wars? Solved. Economic modalities? Solved.

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4 HOUR CONVERSATIONS ABOUT SOLVING THE WORLD'S MOST COMPLICATED ISSUES

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AUTOMATIC EX-TEXT PREVENTION SYSTEM

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AUTOMATIC EX-TEXT PREVENTION SYSTEM

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AUTOMATIC EX-TEXT PREVENTION SYSTEM

MATH FOR DISABLED:

TOKENOMICS

TOKENOMICS

illustration of a purse shaped character holding coins
illustration of a purse shaped character holding coins
illustration of a purse shaped character holding coins

  • TOTAL SUPPLY

    1,690,420,069 CHOOCH

    TOTAL SUPPLY

    1,690,420,069 CHOOCH

40% Public Sale (First come, first racked)
40% Public Sale (First come, first racked)
40% Public Sale (First come, first racked)
30% Developer's "Personal Stash" (For "testing" purposes, obviously)
30% Developer's "Personal Stash" (For "testing" purposes, obviously)
30% Developer's "Personal Stash" (For "testing" purposes, obviously)
20% Liquidity (someone needs to fund this sesh)
20% Liquidity (someone needs to fund this sesh)
20% Liquidity (someone needs to fund this sesh)
5% Marketing (AKA bribing bouncers and buying rounds)
5% Marketing (AKA bribing bouncers and buying rounds)
5% Marketing (AKA bribing bouncers and buying rounds)
4% Burned (Like your nostrils and your last brain cell)
4% Burned (Like your nostrils and your last brain cell)
4% Burned (Like your nostrils and your last brain cell)
1% Reserved for Hunter (Poor bastard hasn't seen action in months)
1% Reserved for Hunter (Poor bastard hasn't seen action in months)
1% Reserved for Hunter (Poor bastard hasn't seen action in months)

We are on the

ROADMAP

ROADMAP

ROADMAP

to hell.

  • Q1 2025

    LAUNCH AND LIFTOFF

    Launch Chooch token

    Airdrop to all the soft 6s

    Implement "Gator Tail" tracking system

    First official "Fire Gator Thursday" community event

  • Q2 2025

    EXPANSION AND EXCESS

    Launch "The Plug" DeFi platform

    Introduce "Snow Removal" feature on DEX

    Partner with leading Narcan distributors

    Sponsor a "Gator Wrestling" event in Florida

  • Q3 2025:

    PARTNERSHIPS AND PUBS

    Collab with Modelo for official Chooch beer

    Launch the "Chooch Golf Tour" (11-hour minimum per round)

    Develop "Plug Finder" app for Subaru WRX owners

    Introduce "3am text" prevention smart contract

  • Q4 2025

    MOON MISSION AND REHAB

    Hit ATH (All-Time High, in every sense)

    Launch rehab program for paper-handed bitches

    Host first annual "Chooch Con" in Las Vegas

    Implement "Morning After" insurance policy for traders

  • Q1 2025

    LAUNCH AND LIFTOFF

    Launch Chooch token

    Airdrop to all the soft 6s

    Implement "Gator Tail" tracking system

    First official "Fire Gator Thursday" community event

  • Q2 2025

    EXPANSION AND EXCESS

    Launch "The Plug" DeFi platform

    Introduce "Snow Removal" feature on DEX

    Partner with leading Narcan distributors

    Sponsor a "Gator Wrestling" event in Florida

  • Q3 2025:

    PARTNERSHIPS AND PUBS

    Collab with Modelo for official Chooch beer

    Launch the "Chooch Golf Tour" (11-hour minimum per round)

    Develop "Plug Finder" app for Subaru WRX owners

    Introduce "3am text" prevention smart contract

  • Q4 2025

    MOON MISSION AND REHAB

    Hit ATH (All-Time High, in every sense)

    Launch rehab program for paper-handed bitches

    Host first annual "Chooch Con" in Las Vegas

    Implement "Morning After" insurance policy for traders

  • Q1 2025

    LAUNCH AND LIFTOFF

    Launch Chooch token

    Airdrop to all the soft 6s

    Implement "Gator Tail" tracking system

    First official "Fire Gator Thursday" community event

  • Q2 2025

    EXPANSION AND EXCESS

    Launch "The Plug" DeFi platform

    Introduce "Snow Removal" feature on DEX

    Partner with leading Narcan distributors

    Sponsor a "Gator Wrestling" event in Florida

  • Q3 2025:

    PARTNERSHIPS AND PUBS

    Collab with Modelo for official Chooch beer

    Launch the "Chooch Golf Tour" (11-hour minimum per round)

    Develop "Plug Finder" app for Subaru WRX owners

    Introduce "3am text" prevention smart contract

  • Q4 2025

    MOON MISSION AND REHAB

    Hit ATH (All-Time High, in every sense)

    Launch rehab program for paper-handed bitches

    Host first annual "Chooch Con" in Las Vegas

    Implement "Morning After" insurance policy for traders

CHOOCH FAQ

QUESTIONS YOU WERE TOO GEEKED TO ASK

QUESTIONS YOU WERE TOO GEEKED TO ASK

What the Hell is Chooch?

Chooch isn't just another crypto token – it's what happens when a gator on fire meets blockchain technology with an 8-ball of personality. Born from a glowing mystery bag found on the sidewalk, Chooch is the premier cryptocurrency for degenerates who think investing responsibly means bringing two credit cards to the club instead of one. With a total supply of 1,690,420,069 tokens, we've mathematically optimized the perfect balance between "financial investment" and "terrible life decision."

What the Hell is Chooch?

Chooch isn't just another crypto token – it's what happens when a gator on fire meets blockchain technology with an 8-ball of personality. Born from a glowing mystery bag found on the sidewalk, Chooch is the premier cryptocurrency for degenerates who think investing responsibly means bringing two credit cards to the club instead of one. With a total supply of 1,690,420,069 tokens, we've mathematically optimized the perfect balance between "financial investment" and "terrible life decision."

What the Hell is Chooch?

Chooch isn't just another crypto token – it's what happens when a gator on fire meets blockchain technology with an 8-ball of personality. Born from a glowing mystery bag found on the sidewalk, Chooch is the premier cryptocurrency for degenerates who think investing responsibly means bringing two credit cards to the club instead of one. With a total supply of 1,690,420,069 tokens, we've mathematically optimized the perfect balance between "financial investment" and "terrible life decision."

Is My Money Safer with Chooch Than in My Nostril?

Absolutely and ironically, yes. While we joke about everything else, security is where we actually got our shit together. Our contract is implemented with military-grade security features that would make your paranoid friend at 5 AM proud. We've integrated the Lossless Protocol – think of it as having a sober friend watching your back while you're making questionable decisions.

Is My Money Safer with Chooch Than in My Nostril?

Absolutely and ironically, yes. While we joke about everything else, security is where we actually got our shit together. Our contract is implemented with military-grade security features that would make your paranoid friend at 5 AM proud. We've integrated the Lossless Protocol – think of it as having a sober friend watching your back while you're making questionable decisions.

Is My Money Safer with Chooch Than in My Nostril?

Absolutely and ironically, yes. While we joke about everything else, security is where we actually got our shit together. Our contract is implemented with military-grade security features that would make your paranoid friend at 5 AM proud. We've integrated the Lossless Protocol – think of it as having a sober friend watching your back while you're making questionable decisions.

What's This "Lossless" Thing? Some Kind of Designated Driver?

Exactly! Lossless is the designated driver of the crypto world. It's a DeFi hack mitigation protocol that does what your impulse control can't – it identifies exploits, freezes suspicious transactions, and helps recover stolen funds if someone tries to jack your stash.

The Lossless Protocol adds a layer of blockchain transaction security that continuously monitors for suspicious activity, like that one friend who's always counting everyone's drinks. If someone tries to pull some shady business with your Chooch tokens, the protocol can freeze the transaction faster than you can say "it wasn't mine, officer."

What's This "Lossless" Thing? Some Kind of Designated Driver?

Exactly! Lossless is the designated driver of the crypto world. It's a DeFi hack mitigation protocol that does what your impulse control can't – it identifies exploits, freezes suspicious transactions, and helps recover stolen funds if someone tries to jack your stash.

The Lossless Protocol adds a layer of blockchain transaction security that continuously monitors for suspicious activity, like that one friend who's always counting everyone's drinks. If someone tries to pull some shady business with your Chooch tokens, the protocol can freeze the transaction faster than you can say "it wasn't mine, officer."

What's This "Lossless" Thing? Some Kind of Designated Driver?

Exactly! Lossless is the designated driver of the crypto world. It's a DeFi hack mitigation protocol that does what your impulse control can't – it identifies exploits, freezes suspicious transactions, and helps recover stolen funds if someone tries to jack your stash.

The Lossless Protocol adds a layer of blockchain transaction security that continuously monitors for suspicious activity, like that one friend who's always counting everyone's drinks. If someone tries to pull some shady business with your Chooch tokens, the protocol can freeze the transaction faster than you can say "it wasn't mine, officer."

So If I Get Hacked, I Actually Get My Tokens Back?

Yes! Unlike your dignity after a night out, Chooch tokens can actually be recovered. Thanks to our integration with the Lossless Protocol, if your tokens get stolen through a hack or exploit, the suspicious transactions can be frozen and investigated. The protocol includes a resolution mechanism for returning those funds to their rightful owner – that's you, assuming you're reading this in between poor financial decisions.

This is possible because we've implemented the LERC-20 token standard – a secure extension of the regular ERC-20 standard that maintains all compatibility with exchanges and DeFi platforms while adding that sweet, sweet security layer.

So If I Get Hacked, I Actually Get My Tokens Back?

Yes! Unlike your dignity after a night out, Chooch tokens can actually be recovered. Thanks to our integration with the Lossless Protocol, if your tokens get stolen through a hack or exploit, the suspicious transactions can be frozen and investigated. The protocol includes a resolution mechanism for returning those funds to their rightful owner – that's you, assuming you're reading this in between poor financial decisions.

This is possible because we've implemented the LERC-20 token standard – a secure extension of the regular ERC-20 standard that maintains all compatibility with exchanges and DeFi platforms while adding that sweet, sweet security layer.

So If I Get Hacked, I Actually Get My Tokens Back?

Yes! Unlike your dignity after a night out, Chooch tokens can actually be recovered. Thanks to our integration with the Lossless Protocol, if your tokens get stolen through a hack or exploit, the suspicious transactions can be frozen and investigated. The protocol includes a resolution mechanism for returning those funds to their rightful owner – that's you, assuming you're reading this in between poor financial decisions.

This is possible because we've implemented the LERC-20 token standard – a secure extension of the regular ERC-20 standard that maintains all compatibility with exchanges and DeFi platforms while adding that sweet, sweet security layer.

What's With All This "Anti-Bot" Talk? Are the Robots Coming for My Stash?

Our anti-bot protection is like the bouncer at that club you somehow keep getting into despite being clearly overserved. It prevents bots from snatching up all the tokens during launches by:

  • Limiting how many transactions can happen per block

  • Requiring a delay between purchases from the same address

  • Dynamically adjusting protection settings based on market conditions

This means real humans get a fair shot at making poor financial decisions, not just algorithms.

What's With All This "Anti-Bot" Talk? Are the Robots Coming for My Stash?

Our anti-bot protection is like the bouncer at that club you somehow keep getting into despite being clearly overserved. It prevents bots from snatching up all the tokens during launches by:

  • Limiting how many transactions can happen per block

  • Requiring a delay between purchases from the same address

  • Dynamically adjusting protection settings based on market conditions

This means real humans get a fair shot at making poor financial decisions, not just algorithms.

What's With All This "Anti-Bot" Talk? Are the Robots Coming for My Stash?

Our anti-bot protection is like the bouncer at that club you somehow keep getting into despite being clearly overserved. It prevents bots from snatching up all the tokens during launches by:

  • Limiting how many transactions can happen per block

  • Requiring a delay between purchases from the same address

  • Dynamically adjusting protection settings based on market conditions

This means real humans get a fair shot at making poor financial decisions, not just algorithms.

What's This "Vesting" Thing? Sounds Like a Fancy Word for Cockblocking

That's exactly what it is! Vesting is financial edging. Our tokens have a 369-day vesting period with a 30-day cliff, meaning you can't immediately dump your whole bag the second you make a modest gain. This prevents the classic pump-and-dump faster than you can say "I swear this never happens."

Team tokens are also locked in vesting, so we can't rug-pull and disappear to a non-extradition country (though we did consider it).

What's This "Vesting" Thing? Sounds Like a Fancy Word for Cockblocking

That's exactly what it is! Vesting is financial edging. Our tokens have a 369-day vesting period with a 30-day cliff, meaning you can't immediately dump your whole bag the second you make a modest gain. This prevents the classic pump-and-dump faster than you can say "I swear this never happens."

Team tokens are also locked in vesting, so we can't rug-pull and disappear to a non-extradition country (though we did consider it).

What's This "Vesting" Thing? Sounds Like a Fancy Word for Cockblocking

That's exactly what it is! Vesting is financial edging. Our tokens have a 369-day vesting period with a 30-day cliff, meaning you can't immediately dump your whole bag the second you make a modest gain. This prevents the classic pump-and-dump faster than you can say "I swear this never happens."

Team tokens are also locked in vesting, so we can't rug-pull and disappear to a non-extradition country (though we did consider it).

How Much Can I Buy? I Just Got Paid and My Judgment Is Impaired

We've implemented purchase limits that work like a bartender who actually cares:

  • Minimum purchase: 0.01 ETH (for those testing the waters)

  • Maximum purchase: 10 ETH (for those who've completely lost control)

  • Per-wallet limit: So you can't go completely degenerate all at once

These limits help prevent whales from manipulating the market, similar to how your friends prevent you from texting your ex after 2 AM (or at least they try).

How Much Can I Buy? I Just Got Paid and My Judgment Is Impaired

We've implemented purchase limits that work like a bartender who actually cares:

  • Minimum purchase: 0.01 ETH (for those testing the waters)

  • Maximum purchase: 10 ETH (for those who've completely lost control)

  • Per-wallet limit: So you can't go completely degenerate all at once

These limits help prevent whales from manipulating the market, similar to how your friends prevent you from texting your ex after 2 AM (or at least they try).

How Much Can I Buy? I Just Got Paid and My Judgment Is Impaired

We've implemented purchase limits that work like a bartender who actually cares:

  • Minimum purchase: 0.01 ETH (for those testing the waters)

  • Maximum purchase: 10 ETH (for those who've completely lost control)

  • Per-wallet limit: So you can't go completely degenerate all at once

These limits help prevent whales from manipulating the market, similar to how your friends prevent you from texting your ex after 2 AM (or at least they try).

What If the Price Crashes Harder Than My Sunday Morning Comedown?

We've thought of that too! Our contract includes:

  • Price floor protection with a minimum ETH price setting

  • Multiple pricing models that can be adjusted based on market conditions

  • Emergency functions that can be activated faster than you can say "where did all my money go?"

What If the Price Crashes Harder Than My Sunday Morning Comedown?

We've thought of that too! Our contract includes:

  • Price floor protection with a minimum ETH price setting

  • Multiple pricing models that can be adjusted based on market conditions

  • Emergency functions that can be activated faster than you can say "where did all my money go?"

What If the Price Crashes Harder Than My Sunday Morning Comedown?

We've thought of that too! Our contract includes:

  • Price floor protection with a minimum ETH price setting

  • Multiple pricing models that can be adjusted based on market conditions

  • Emergency functions that can be activated faster than you can say "where did all my money go?"

Can I Participate If I'm Already on Several Watchlists?

We have a whitelist functionality, but it's less about your criminal record and more about preventing bots and ensuring fair distribution. Getting on the whitelist is about as exclusive as that "secret" bathroom at the club that everyone knows about.

Can I Participate If I'm Already on Several Watchlists?

We have a whitelist functionality, but it's less about your criminal record and more about preventing bots and ensuring fair distribution. Getting on the whitelist is about as exclusive as that "secret" bathroom at the club that everyone knows about.

Can I Participate If I'm Already on Several Watchlists?

We have a whitelist functionality, but it's less about your criminal record and more about preventing bots and ensuring fair distribution. Getting on the whitelist is about as exclusive as that "secret" bathroom at the club that everyone knows about.

Who's Hunter and Why Does He Get 1% of the Tokens?

Hunter is the poor bastard who hasn't seen action in months. The 16,904,200 tokens reserved for him might help with that situation, but we're not making any promises. Think of it as a charity contribution to the sexually frustrated.

Who's Hunter and Why Does He Get 1% of the Tokens?

Hunter is the poor bastard who hasn't seen action in months. The 16,904,200 tokens reserved for him might help with that situation, but we're not making any promises. Think of it as a charity contribution to the sexually frustrated.

Who's Hunter and Why Does He Get 1% of the Tokens?

Hunter is the poor bastard who hasn't seen action in months. The 16,904,200 tokens reserved for him might help with that situation, but we're not making any promises. Think of it as a charity contribution to the sexually frustrated.

Will Chooch Make Me Rich?

About as likely as you remembering everyone's names after a long night out. Chooch is a meme coin inspired by cocaine culture – if you're looking for reliable financial advice, you've already made a critical error by reading this far. Only invest what you can afford to lose, like your dignity or your sense of smell.

Will Chooch Make Me Rich?

About as likely as you remembering everyone's names after a long night out. Chooch is a meme coin inspired by cocaine culture – if you're looking for reliable financial advice, you've already made a critical error by reading this far. Only invest what you can afford to lose, like your dignity or your sense of smell.

Will Chooch Make Me Rich?

About as likely as you remembering everyone's names after a long night out. Chooch is a meme coin inspired by cocaine culture – if you're looking for reliable financial advice, you've already made a critical error by reading this far. Only invest what you can afford to lose, like your dignity or your sense of smell.

How Do I Know This Isn't a Rug-Pull?

Our contract code is public, verified, and integrated with Lossless – the industry-standard security protocol. You can check it yourself, though we understand if reading code isn't your strong suit after a night with Chooch. Plus, our team tokens are locked in vesting schedules, so we're in this together – like sharing the last bump at 5 AM.

How Do I Know This Isn't a Rug-Pull?

Our contract code is public, verified, and integrated with Lossless – the industry-standard security protocol. You can check it yourself, though we understand if reading code isn't your strong suit after a night with Chooch. Plus, our team tokens are locked in vesting schedules, so we're in this together – like sharing the last bump at 5 AM.

How Do I Know This Isn't a Rug-Pull?

Our contract code is public, verified, and integrated with Lossless – the industry-standard security protocol. You can check it yourself, though we understand if reading code isn't your strong suit after a night with Chooch. Plus, our team tokens are locked in vesting schedules, so we're in this together – like sharing the last bump at 5 AM.

What Should I Tell My Partner/Parents/Probation Officer About Chooch?

We recommend "it's an investment in blockchain technology" or "I'm supporting innovative financial infrastructure." Do NOT show them this FAQ, the whitepaper, or any of our social media. Some things are better kept between you, your poor decisions, and the blockchain.

What Should I Tell My Partner/Parents/Probation Officer About Chooch?

We recommend "it's an investment in blockchain technology" or "I'm supporting innovative financial infrastructure." Do NOT show them this FAQ, the whitepaper, or any of our social media. Some things are better kept between you, your poor decisions, and the blockchain.

What Should I Tell My Partner/Parents/Probation Officer About Chooch?

We recommend "it's an investment in blockchain technology" or "I'm supporting innovative financial infrastructure." Do NOT show them this FAQ, the whitepaper, or any of our social media. Some things are better kept between you, your poor decisions, and the blockchain.

In Conclusion: Should I Buy Chooch?

If you've read this entire FAQ and still want to buy Chooch, you're exactly the kind of degenerate we designed this token for. Welcome home. Your financial advisor would say no, your therapist would say no, but that little voice that says "one more won't hurt" – that voice is saying "buy Chooch."

Remember: DYOR (Destroy Your Own Rectum) and invest responsibly. Or don't. We're a meme coin, not your conscience.

In Conclusion: Should I Buy Chooch?

If you've read this entire FAQ and still want to buy Chooch, you're exactly the kind of degenerate we designed this token for. Welcome home. Your financial advisor would say no, your therapist would say no, but that little voice that says "one more won't hurt" – that voice is saying "buy Chooch."

Remember: DYOR (Destroy Your Own Rectum) and invest responsibly. Or don't. We're a meme coin, not your conscience.

In Conclusion: Should I Buy Chooch?

If you've read this entire FAQ and still want to buy Chooch, you're exactly the kind of degenerate we designed this token for. Welcome home. Your financial advisor would say no, your therapist would say no, but that little voice that says "one more won't hurt" – that voice is saying "buy Chooch."

Remember: DYOR (Destroy Your Own Rectum) and invest responsibly. Or don't. We're a meme coin, not your conscience.

ABOUT

THE TEAM

ABOUT

THE TEAM

ABOUT

THE TEAM

THE MASTERMINDS BEHIND

YOUR FINANCIAL REGRETS

THE MASTERMINDS BEHIND

YOUR FINANCIAL REGRETS

THE MASTERMINDS BEHIND

YOUR FINANCIAL REGRETS

Every revolutionary project has a team of visionaries behind it, and Chooch is no exception. Our three-person dev team (because three is the ideal number for sharing both code and questionable substances in a handicap bathroom stall) brings decades of combined experience in blockchain technology, poor life choices, and staying awake for concerning lengths of time.

Dev #1 - "Charlie"

Charlie's blockchain journey began when he accidentally spent his entire student loan on mining equipment in 2013. With a master's degree in Computer Science and a minor in "explaining to family why crypto isn't a pyramid scheme," Charlie has developed smart contracts for seven successful projects, three of which haven't been investigated by the SEC (yet).''

When not writing immaculate code at 4 AM, Charlie can be found meticulously organizing his collection of mechanical keyboards by tactile response and explaining to strangers at parties why his dog is named "Satoshi." His commits are so clean they make your grandmother's kitchen look like a frat house bathroom. Charlie's personal motto: "The only lines I love more than code are the ones on my glass desk."

Dev #1 - "Charlie"

Charlie's blockchain journey began when he accidentally spent his entire student loan on mining equipment in 2013. With a master's degree in Computer Science and a minor in "explaining to family why crypto isn't a pyramid scheme," Charlie has developed smart contracts for seven successful projects, three of which haven't been investigated by the SEC (yet).''

When not writing immaculate code at 4 AM, Charlie can be found meticulously organizing his collection of mechanical keyboards by tactile response and explaining to strangers at parties why his dog is named "Satoshi." His commits are so clean they make your grandmother's kitchen look like a frat house bathroom. Charlie's personal motto: "The only lines I love more than code are the ones on my glass desk."

Dev #1 - "Charlie"

Charlie's blockchain journey began when he accidentally spent his entire student loan on mining equipment in 2013. With a master's degree in Computer Science and a minor in "explaining to family why crypto isn't a pyramid scheme," Charlie has developed smart contracts for seven successful projects, three of which haven't been investigated by the SEC (yet).''

When not writing immaculate code at 4 AM, Charlie can be found meticulously organizing his collection of mechanical keyboards by tactile response and explaining to strangers at parties why his dog is named "Satoshi." His commits are so clean they make your grandmother's kitchen look like a frat house bathroom. Charlie's personal motto: "The only lines I love more than code are the ones on my glass desk."

Dev #2 - "Marcus"

The team's security specialist and resident paranoid genius, Marcus joined Chooch after a mysterious three-year stint at a "financial institution" that he refuses to name but occasionally references when extremely sleep-deprived. Responsible for implementing the Lossless security protocol, Marcus approaches smart contract security with the same intensity as he does checking his apartment for hidden microphones every Tuesday.

With bloodshot eyes permanently glued to audit logs, Marcus can spot a potential exploit faster than he can spot the undercover cop at a party. He once locked himself in a hotel room for 72 hours with nothing but Red Bull and protein bars to patch a vulnerability before launch, emerging with perfect code and a newfound belief that his reflection was plotting against him. Marcus is the reason our contract is unhackable and also the reason we have a dedicated channel for "things that are definitely not glowing CIA surveillance devices." His contribution to team meetings consists of muttering "we're all gonna get arrested" before proposing yet another security feature that's somehow both paranoid and essential.

Dev #2 - "Marcus"

The team's security specialist and resident paranoid genius, Marcus joined Chooch after a mysterious three-year stint at a "financial institution" that he refuses to name but occasionally references when extremely sleep-deprived. Responsible for implementing the Lossless security protocol, Marcus approaches smart contract security with the same intensity as he does checking his apartment for hidden microphones every Tuesday.

With bloodshot eyes permanently glued to audit logs, Marcus can spot a potential exploit faster than he can spot the undercover cop at a party. He once locked himself in a hotel room for 72 hours with nothing but Red Bull and protein bars to patch a vulnerability before launch, emerging with perfect code and a newfound belief that his reflection was plotting against him. Marcus is the reason our contract is unhackable and also the reason we have a dedicated channel for "things that are definitely not glowing CIA surveillance devices." His contribution to team meetings consists of muttering "we're all gonna get arrested" before proposing yet another security feature that's somehow both paranoid and essential.

Dev #2 - "Marcus"

The team's security specialist and resident paranoid genius, Marcus joined Chooch after a mysterious three-year stint at a "financial institution" that he refuses to name but occasionally references when extremely sleep-deprived. Responsible for implementing the Lossless security protocol, Marcus approaches smart contract security with the same intensity as he does checking his apartment for hidden microphones every Tuesday.

With bloodshot eyes permanently glued to audit logs, Marcus can spot a potential exploit faster than he can spot the undercover cop at a party. He once locked himself in a hotel room for 72 hours with nothing but Red Bull and protein bars to patch a vulnerability before launch, emerging with perfect code and a newfound belief that his reflection was plotting against him. Marcus is the reason our contract is unhackable and also the reason we have a dedicated channel for "things that are definitely not glowing CIA surveillance devices." His contribution to team meetings consists of muttering "we're all gonna get arrested" before proposing yet another security feature that's somehow both paranoid and essential.

Dev #3 - Hunter

Despite his perpetual dry spell, Hunter's code is surprisingly wet. His UI designs have been described as "suspiciously polished for someone who clearly doesn't go outside" and "the only beautiful thing he's touched in years." Hunter manages all our social media accounts under various pseudonyms, often carrying on entire conversations between his different online personalities when engagement is low. His contribution to team meetings typically consists of energy drink-fueled monologues about "community building" that mysteriously always circle back to ideas involving attractive influencers. The team tolerates this because somehow, his marketing strategies actually work.

Dev #3 - Hunter

Despite his perpetual dry spell, Hunter's code is surprisingly wet. His UI designs have been described as "suspiciously polished for someone who clearly doesn't go outside" and "the only beautiful thing he's touched in years." Hunter manages all our social media accounts under various pseudonyms, often carrying on entire conversations between his different online personalities when engagement is low. His contribution to team meetings typically consists of energy drink-fueled monologues about "community building" that mysteriously always circle back to ideas involving attractive influencers. The team tolerates this because somehow, his marketing strategies actually work.

Dev #3 - Hunter

Despite his perpetual dry spell, Hunter's code is surprisingly wet. His UI designs have been described as "suspiciously polished for someone who clearly doesn't go outside" and "the only beautiful thing he's touched in years." Hunter manages all our social media accounts under various pseudonyms, often carrying on entire conversations between his different online personalities when engagement is low. His contribution to team meetings typically consists of energy drink-fueled monologues about "community building" that mysteriously always circle back to ideas involving attractive influencers. The team tolerates this because somehow, his marketing strategies actually work.

Why This Team?

Because three is the perfect number – enough to build a revolutionary token, few enough to fit in an Uber when leaving the office at sunrise. Our developers bring complementary skills to the table: Charlie's architectural brilliance, Marcus' security paranoia, and Hunter's desperate need for this not to be another failed project. Together, they form a development triumvirate that functions remarkably well despite (or perhaps because of) their shared affinity for making questionable decisions after midnight.

What they lack in conventional work hours, they make up for in passionate dedication to the Chooch ecosystem – creating a token that's not just secure but also embodies the spirit of its community: wildly enthusiastic, slightly unhinged, and absolutely determined to have a good time while creating something of questionable but undeniable value. As they say in their team Telegram: "If we're going to be awake at 4 AM anyway, we might as well build something revolutionary."

Why This Team?

Because three is the perfect number – enough to build a revolutionary token, few enough to fit in an Uber when leaving the office at sunrise. Our developers bring complementary skills to the table: Charlie's architectural brilliance, Marcus' security paranoia, and Hunter's desperate need for this not to be another failed project. Together, they form a development triumvirate that functions remarkably well despite (or perhaps because of) their shared affinity for making questionable decisions after midnight.

What they lack in conventional work hours, they make up for in passionate dedication to the Chooch ecosystem – creating a token that's not just secure but also embodies the spirit of its community: wildly enthusiastic, slightly unhinged, and absolutely determined to have a good time while creating something of questionable but undeniable value. As they say in their team Telegram: "If we're going to be awake at 4 AM anyway, we might as well build something revolutionary."

Why This Team?

Because three is the perfect number – enough to build a revolutionary token, few enough to fit in an Uber when leaving the office at sunrise. Our developers bring complementary skills to the table: Charlie's architectural brilliance, Marcus' security paranoia, and Hunter's desperate need for this not to be another failed project. Together, they form a development triumvirate that functions remarkably well despite (or perhaps because of) their shared affinity for making questionable decisions after midnight.